2. Dirty dance.
Chuuuch folk love to dance. But some of y'all do more than
"holy" dance.
3. Sing or rap to secular music. When home alone,
you can find the most saved saint singing Marvin Gaye or Whitney or rapping to
Lil Wayne at the top of their lungs.
4. Watch
Twerk Team or impure videos. [especially those young'ns]
5. Eat an entire box of
fried chicken, washed down with soda or Kool-Aid and then complain, "Girl,
I don't know why I can't lose this weight; I tried errrythaang."
6. Pretend they're not at
home when Pastor or other saints call.
7. Go on Twitter, Facebook
and talk about other members.
8. Talk about how racist
white people are, and how they don’t get it.
9. Play Spades smoke weed,
gamble, drink and cuss with their unsaved friends.
10. Beat their kids like Zab
Judah, something I don’t;agree
with. Also, chuuch mothers
have this thing called the Angry Whisper — it’s basically when she sends you
death threats through her teeth.
11. Stare at people’s butts
when they go up to the altar – both men and women
do this.
12. Argue or fight with other saints
or "hate" other believers. We’re just a spirited bunch, we
actually love each other.
13. Put on the mean grill at
work: can’t let them ever
think I enjoy working here.
14. Locate, identify, and
alert their unsaved friends of the presence of the authorities. Jamie: “There go the police.”
Tyreke: “WHERE?!” Jamie: “You being mad obvious right now, don’t
look.”
15. Tell dirty jokes around
their unsaved friends or when the door is locked.
16. Throw away bills. Viacom
can kiss my black… moving
right along.
17. Make personal phone
calls on their work phone. And get mad when a colleague has the audacity to
interrupt them with actual work.
18. Make up new code words
and slang to use with their friends. White people stole our swag.
19. Call on their momma
instead of Jesus for advice.
20. Pretend like they're
playing a sport. For example, balling up a piece of paper, tossing it in
the trash, yelling "LEBRON!"
21. Help out a the church
picnic or social so they can eat all they can eat.
22. Make a subtle, sexy
fashion statement by wearing a lace camisole or fishnets under their choir
robe.
23. Hook up their friends
with stuff they stole from work.
24. Snap jokes about other
church members. "Now she know she too old for that short dress."
25. Grease up the body with cocoa butter, Shea butter
or Vaseline and then want to give you a greasy handshake.
26. Put a dollar in the
tithes envelope when they KNOW they can give more.
27. Tell stories with one
word. For example, “How
was service last night?” is responded to by saying, “Chile…”or “Umph…”
28. Secretly lust after a
sister or brother in the body or even the pastor. "Girl, Bro.So and So sho is fine!"
29. Take a nap during
service.
30. Try to hide these things
in hopes that Pastor or Jesus won't find out.
